As loyal readers may know, TMW is a personal friend of mine. He doesn’t pay me to guest blog here (thus saving him from thinking up half a week’s blogging chores), but he takes me out to lunch more than my husband does.  So that’s cool. He’s also taken a sort of theoretical interest in my children, but I often wonder if it’s more of a schadenfreude sort of thing until he has his own. Anyhow, because my boy and girl are only a year apart in age, TMW seems to think of our family as his own little gender issues lab. He has, for example, strongly advised me not to indulge my daughter in the Disney Princess Experience (ha! As if we could afford Disney while we choke under the aptly-named mortgage).  He is very careful to buy them gender-neutral toys.  Oh, TMW, you’re so innocent. You just wait.

Back to personal finance and families. TMW wonders if raising a boy is more costly than raising a girl. He proposed this topic as a blog post about a year ago, and I started thinking about it. I would very much like to hear readers’ thoughts on this. Here are mine!

I do not believe that one gender is more expensive to raise than the other, if you keep your senses about you.

Clothes

It’s darn easy to overspend when clothes shopping for a girl, for example, even if you’re not a huge shopper. They have dresses and skirts and tights as well as pants and tops. And all those accessories!  I hate myself for falling into this trap, but, sigh, she just looks so darn cute in that Disney princess nightdress. And yes, she certainly knows how to push her advantage with clothes, but it’s my fault for caving. He’s not so into clothes. (I don’t know if that difference is an inherent boy/girl thing, or if we’ve subtly created it. Not the point, but it’s a really interesting question. People rarely comment on the dude’s clothes or hair, but consistently tell the dudette how pretty she looks and how beautiful her hair is. How can those messages not shape them?) He digs short sleeves tops, so as long as he has those, he’s happy.

They grow out of things equally as fast, so there’s no physical difference. The good news is that I don’t see a marked difference between the prices of boys’ and girls’ clothing. Sure, some days, the GapKids deal is on boys’ pants, but next time its girls’ PJ’s. It does seem to even out.

Toys

Well, they want different things, but again, costs seem to be about the same. At Christmas, we had a budget, and the kids got completely different toys but had about the same amount of stuff under the tree. And books, craft supplies, and DVDs are all gender-neutral when it comes to price.

I have, however, found that my son bounces from fad to fad pretty quickly, thus necessitating (in his mind) the need to buy new stuff every six weeks or so. I don’t know if this is a boy thing, or if it’s because he’s one year older, or because that’s more in his nature than in my daughter’s.  What’s important, from a financial perspective, is not giving in, or at least not whole hog. Buy one or two sets of those stupid SillyBandz, not ten.

Interestingly, now that the kids watch Teletoon, which has commercial programming, I have noticed a nefarious pattern. It goes like this “ad for a boy toy, ad for a girl toy” repeated over and over. The boy says “Can I have that?” and I say “no” and thirty seconds later the girl says “Can I have that?” and I say “no.” Repeat over and over. I hate Teletoon.

Sports

So far, I have been charged the same per kid. To keep things simple, we are trying to keep them in the same activities. We are also hoping to avoid some sports at all costs, especially hockey (I do not apologize for not wanting to spend weekend mornings for the next 10 years on cold benches in smelly hockey rinks).  Maybe others will see some divergences there. However, I do know that many ballet places, in an attempt to get boys in the door, change half-price for them. I don’t know what to say about that.

Food

Same costs. My kids are great eaters, and again the costs seem to even out pretty well. Somehow the people who make gender-based crappy toys haven’t tapped the crappy cereal market yet. Anecdotally, my friends’ kids who are picky eaters are both boys and girls, so I don’t see that as a gender issue.

So, readers, what do you think? Am I going to start seeing a difference as they get older (they are kindergartens now)? Have I missed any major categories?

Hello TMWers! Sorry for the months-long delay between posts. But I do this for free, and so other things tend to get in the way of writing 1000+ words on a regular basis, like kids and renovations.

Speaking of renovations…to refresh your memory and update you: my husband and I moved into a new home about a year ago. We are the second owners of this home, which was built in 1947. That should tell you something. We did a lot of renovating at our old house and felt prepared to tackle this house.

We started big: full-scale electrical upgrade. This is the kind of thing you get done before you move into the house. And this, you get done by a professional. According to my husband (a die-hard DIYer and all-around cheapo), it’s worth the money. It’s also a huge mess. Tip: you can get this done more cheaply if you look the other way about permits. But just don’t. It will come back to bite you, one way or the other. Get your three quotes and definitely get references. Ditto for roofs, which we’ve also had done.

[TMW lawyerly interjection: if you have an electrical fire in your house and your insurer finds the work was done without permit or not up to code, the policy holder may be denied coverage.]

We didn’t stop there. We decided to “lower” our basement, which looked like a set you’d see on Criminal Minds. We realized that we’d have to add on to the mortgage to do it, but only fractionally so, yet the return is getting 1/3 more living space in the house.

For the actual “lowering”, we obviously got a contractor. (I’m not sure what I thought these guys were going to do, but here’s what it entailed: breaking up the concrete floor and digging down more than two feet. They carried out the excavated dirt in buckets.) Again, you want a contractor who’s going to get permits and, yes, you need a structural engineer. Very costly.

So, to save money, we decided to finish the basement ourselves. When the contractors left, we had nearly 8-foot ceilings in the basement, a new concrete floor, and nothing else.

My husband and his friends have done the following on evenings and weekends: framing, electrical, built a new staircase (think about it), drywalling, new windows and painting. Some of this work goes quickly (they framed about 90% of the basement in a day), but much of it is details, or requires slow progress.

Have we indeed saved a ton of money? Yes, we have, but you need to think about whether this is the right choice for you.

For example, getting any job done by a contractor will be done in a specified amount of time (assume I’m talking about good contractors here). We really thought we’d be able to get this basement done by Christmas. Of last year. The project has dragged on for very understandable reasons, but you have to assume that’s going to happen and be prepared to slog through and not give up.

There are other costs. My husband has to rent a Home Depot van regularly to drag home drywall, lumber, what have you. These are costs a contractor just folds into a quote. There are endless, endless Home Depot runs, too, for extra screws, wood, caulking, paint, whatever. As always, these small things add up, blowing your budget.

There is also the interpersonal cost. My husband has spent nearly every free moment on (in) the damn basement since last fall. He does not get to see the kids much. That means I’m doing single-mom duty, which isn’t so awesome. He is exhausted, often bleeding from some basement-related mishap and just plain cranky. I am the same, minus the basement injuries. Our babysitter budget lets us go to design stores and Home Depot (yet again) without the kids in tow (but they’ve been there plenty.). This does not exactly do wonders for our romantic relationship.

Is it worth it? Yes, for us, it is. My husband will always feel an enormous sense of satisfaction from having accomplished this, and we saved ourselves many, many thousands of dollars (though perhaps not as many as we’d originally thought).

For prospective DIYers, be honest with yourselves. Do you have the skills? The dedication? Have you overbudgeted? Can your relationship stand it?

Perhaps you can do both. For a big job like this, we ended up contracting out the plastering and some of the painting, for various reasons. The money made sense. However, on the four new windows, it didn’t (we were quoted $2000 by three contractors. We did it ourselves – the windows themselves we got at a discount place for $600, and installation materials were probably less then $200. Makes sense.)

I’m looking forward to hanging out in the new living space. We splurged on a spa-like bathroom and a gas fireplace. It’s going to be awesome.

Hats off to TMW, who has managed to keep writing an interesting and informative blog for some time now, without (yet) running out of ideas. I have never written more than once a month, and find myself wondering what else I could say.

So, I thought for today’s post I would write a bit about what’s been on my mind lately about families and money. I recently began volunteering at a women’s residence. Young, pregnant women (some as young as 13) go there when they have literally nowhere else to go. They stay in the residence for up to a year after the baby is born, then go to transition housing. These young women are sometimes so alone that no one is attending the birthing with them. Suffice to say, the baby’s daddies are (usually) long gone and other family members have abandoned or cannot otherwise help.

I spoke to a group of them recently about basic money management. I tried not to be too lecture-y, but I’m not sure my advice was very practical. For example, my #1 tip was NEVER EVER use payday loan services. TMW readers will know why: exorbitant interest rates and short terms make repayment next to impossible. However, what, exactly, these women are supposed to do for money is beyond me. Working full time in retail will barely pay rent and food, let alone daycare for the little ones when mom is working.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how the young and vulnerable families can break the cycle of poverty? Any tips – even how to shop cheaply – would be very welcome.

This experience brought me back to my law school days, where we were taught a term in family law called “feminization of poverty.” I dislike the phrase, because it implies poverty is something women alone experience, or, worse, that women or feminism have somehow annexed poverty as a political issue. Instead, feminization of poverty refers to the fact the family breakdowns (separation, divorce, absent fathers) create a huge financial imbalance between the separated spouses and, of course, most often the mother. Families that once functioned well financially are brutally affected by these breakdowns, with the mother most often bearing the heaviest burden.

The mother’s day-to-day care of the children (of whom she most likely has custody) impacts her ability to work and therefore she does not achieve what she might otherwise in a more stable situation. (You aren’t likely to get promoted if you’re the only coming in a little late, leaving a little early, and taking days off to stay home with sick kids.) She is responsible for household expenses, many of which are often “extras” which are not taken into account when support is agreed to or ordered by a court. (And that’s assuming the father pays. Many do, of course; many separated families function very well financially – but courts hear every day from mothers who are desperate because the ex has stopped making payments.) There’s more to this, of course, and it ignores the relatively few dads who find themselves in this position.

How to solve these issues? The courts are bound by their own rules and are overflowing. The young single moms at the shelter – how are they going to look after their children and finish high school? How do you make the deadbeat dads actually pay?

Now, this is a financial blog – please don’t write in railing against the family law system, or deadbeat dads, who have their own sides of the story. I want to know what you would do to, and what suggestions to have, to address family-related poverty.

The holiday season is upon us all. We are making lists, and shopping so frantically that the magnetic strips on our credit cards are crying for mercy. But do you really need to buy something for everyone? Do you have a pile of gifts you’ve received in your basement, wondering what to do with them?

Yes, re-gifting. An eternal etiquette question we’ve all pondered. There’s Aunt Myra’s lovingly handmade doily set. You can admire the time and effort and skill, but doilies? Who the hell uses doilies anymore? On the other hand, there’s the pile of clothes your toddler got from in-the-know friends, complete with gift receipts. You’re never going to use the doilies, and some of the kids’ clothes don’t fit your child. What to do?

Pros:

• Re-gifting saves money and, however slightly, reduces consumer consumption and environmentally-unfriendly packaging
• The original gift-giver never needs to know
• Some recipients don’t mind receiving a re-gift (of course, you don’t have to actually tell them)

Cons:

• The recipient, if told of the provenance of the gift, might think you’re cheap, tacky or even a jerk
• The original gift-giver might be very offended you did not use, love and appreciate the gift
• You cannot do this as a matter of course; you have to still give an appropriate gift.

Tips for re-gifting:

• Know your giftee. If they are going to be irritated or offended at a re-gift, either don’t tell them, or just don’t do it at all
• Don’t re-gift to get rid of crappy stuff you have. If you don’t want it, your brother doesn’t want it either
• Keep track – do not re-gift the same thing back to the original gift-giver
• Make the gift special – re-wrap it, write a nice card, make sure it’s clean and unused, and something the recipient will enjoy
• Don’t re-gift items that have been used, worn, tried out, or even removed from the original packaging.

Good luck and happy holidays to all.

My comments are in italics and Mom2KG in bold. Enjoy.

TMW: Yesterday we left off at how the real estate agent was helpful because she knew time was of the essence and got on top of the problem quickly. How about the lawyers?

Mom2KG: The lawyers, on the other hand, were a mixed bag at best. We ended up having four different lawyers, plus ourselves. The lawyer we retained to close the purchase does a very narrow type of work. He closes sales all day, and never deals with problem properties. This was way beyond his retainer. As lawyers, we understood his position.

TMW: Moral of the story is the business model of real estate lawyers is quantity, quantity, quantity with prices to match. Most retail real estate lawyers are ill equipped to deal with problem closings or closings which are out of the norm (shared drive-ways, properties with water frontage, very old homes etc). In this case, you need to pay a few extra dollars for a specialized real estate lawyer or you need to get a second opinion. So what did you do?

Mom2KG: We decided we had to retain a lawyer specializing in environmental law. The first guy we found was very good, again holding our hands and giving us options. He had to educate the vendor’s lawyer on their obligations (with us footing the bill on that call) and again made our position clear.

Unfortunately, he had to pass us off to someone else at his firm, and that lawyer was a complete train wreck. He was incapable of assessing risk, and refused to provide any advice on the real estate side of things. For example, he would not discuss anticipatory breach, claiming that was a real estate issue, and he did not do real estate. So, we had to retain a real estate specialist to help us assess the legalities of backing out or staying in the deal. It was really, really trying.

TMW: That sounds horrible. How could that lawyer have handled things differently? Why do you think the lawyers were less helpful than the agent?

Mom2KG: That second environmental lawyer provided almost no value. No context, no “real world” examples of what our real risk was. We got tons of education on the requirements of the environmental legislation, right down to the maximum parts per million of petroleum allowed in soil and water samples. Who cares? I wanted to know what the risks were in buying a property that was probably clean (after the sellers removed the tank and got in an expert to test the soil). But he simply would not help us with that.

That lawyer was clearly concerned with the extent of his own liability. He kept saying “I’m an environmental lawyer. I don’t do real estate.” Or, “I can’t tell you what to do. I can only tell you the law.” To some extent, that’s true, but lawyers are also supposed to be trusted advisors who can help with decision-making. Our agent, on the other hand, was more interested in helping us than in potentially getting sued. She actually endeared herself to us by freely admitting she had “missed” the oil tank when we first looked at the house. The lawyer, on the other hand, was primarily concerned with his own responsibility in the matter and was unwilling to take any risk himself.

TMW: With your lawyer’s hat on, what role did tackling the problem early help in dealing the vendor?

Mom2KG: We knew there was no time to lose when we first found the problem. We know getting environmental reports can take weeks, and we didn’t have that time. We had to give the sellers time to remedy the problem and satisfy us. You can’t wait to present a huge problem until the day of closing. We were also able to educate ourselves on our possibilities and choices. Finally, it meant we were able to send a consistent message for the weeks this took: we wanted the house, but without the tank or environmental damage.

TMW: What steps did you finally take to provide some satisfactory conclusion that you would be buying the house of your dreams?

Mom2KG: We advised the sellers, through their lawyers and agent, what we needed: the tank removed, and proof we could rely on that it was a clean property, free from oil contamination. We managed to get the purchase and sale agreement amended to say the sellers would do that, so we had some contractual strength. Then, we kept a close eye on what was happening. At every step, we consulted with our lawyers to assess how things seemed to be going. We used our second visit to the house to bring in our own environmental consultant to determine the progress. We continued to advise the sellers of what we needed and expected. We also ensured that the report provided by the seller’s consultant was addressed to us, so we could rely on it if ever there was another problem.

TMW:  What would you have done differently?

Mom2KG: I would have asked for an all-party meeting or mediation early on. It was very frustrating communicating through agents and lawyers. We all should have sat down together so we could present the facts, issues and needs with a more human face. We kept wondering if in fact the vendors were getting all the info we were lobbing over, and I don’t think they did. I think an early meeting would have helped thing along immensely. I would have kept it very low-key and agreed to have it as “no prejudice” – not admissible as evidence in court.

TMW: Let’s recall lessons learned then if you run into an issue purchasing or selling a home.

1. Know what you want
2. Time is of an essence
3. Be specific as to remedy
4. Don’t assume the other side will do your work for you. Be proactive in the solution.
5. Use your professionals but always refer to #1.

Is that about it?

Mom2KG:  Yes, I think that’s it. You also have to have good communications with your partner, and you have to resist the temptation to lay blame. There a solution does not lie.

TMW:  Wow, you dropped some Yoda-sim on us. Thanks for sharing. It is a great home in a beautiful neighborhood. If you ever build a spare room over the garage, I will gladly play the Arthur Fonzarelli role and move in.

Today’s post is a 2 parter between myself and my regular columnist, Mom2KG. We re-live a real life issues arising from  purchasing real estate with some problems and share lessons learned. As always, in these types of situations, it is important to obtain advice. My comments are in italics. Mom2KG’s in bold. Enjoy.

TMW: Mom2KG, I believe it was a Wednesday morning when I got an email from you indicating that there was a problem with buying your home followed by a bunch of four letter words. What exactly was the problem?

Mom2kG: Yup, and now that the problem has been solved, we continue to tell the story using lots of 4-letter words. It was an extremely stressful situation.

We had agreed with the seller that we could visit the home twice before closing. Typically, this is so you can measure for curtains or think about paint colours, or just gaze lovingly at your new ensuite bathroom. On our first visit, my husband realized there was an oil tank buried in the back yard. This was bad – an untold environmental liability. We had purchased the home with no conditions – so no home inspection – so we had no idea if we could get out of this or what our options were.

TMW:  Just so that the readers don’t think you are not a smart consumer, buying a house without conditions occurs in Toronto quite often, in order to head off bidding wars. So what you did was not out of the ordinary course.

By way of background to the readers, in Ontario, under the environmental legislative regime, oil tanks buried in grounds were required to have been removed. In other words, having a buried oil tank is now illegal in Ontario. At this point, you really have two obvious options: buy or don’t buy. What did you end up doing?

Mom2KG: We ended up buying. As readers may know, we’re both lawyers. So we called some contacts, and if things weren’t already off the rails, this compounded matters. Astoundingly, each lawyer gave us a different answer, ranging from “GET OUT NOW” to a more reasoned approach. It was really scary in the first few days. And confusing. Besides the illegality issues, we didn’t know if the tank had leaked and caused contamination under the house or even offsite.

However, there were very good reasons to pursue a remedy instead of running. First, we wanted the house – it was great. Location was great. Nothing else had come on the market in weeks. We had already sold our own home. As well, we knew, as lawyers, we had to give the sellers a chance to step up. You have to give them a chance to be reasonable. Finally, we had a leg to stand on – the oil tank existed illegally and no court (if it got to that) would force us to accept a property  not complying with law. But court was also the last place we wanted to end up.

TMW: What is important to note in your response is that as badly as you may have wanted out, I am assuming here, the lawyer in you probably said “have to play this out and put ourselves in a position where a reasonable person would say you did everything you could” before you backed out. Process is key. In most cases, you can’t pull the plug without going through the process.

Mom2KG: Yes, that was a major driver in the decision. You can’t just back of a contract and not incur some wrath, which can lead to serious fights and even litigation. We mapped out a lot of “what-ifs” and one was that if we ever got to court, we needed to be able to say we acted reasonably, even if it was the sellers who were ultimately in the wrong by not removing the oil tank years ago and then by not informing us of its existence.

TMW:  There’s a couple of educational items for readers to note. As you imply, that you cannot contract for an illegal act and, even if you breached the contract, you breached it for an illegality, which makes your argument substantively stronger.

But most home purchasers do not buy homes with illegalities in them. In most cases, problem closings come down to less dramatic issues like the purchaser bought without conditions or the conditions are waived and the purchaser gets laid off and cannot obtain a mortgage and closing.

In these instances, there is a doctrine known as “anticipatory breach.” In plain English, this means a promising party knows that they can’t fulfill their part of the bargain before the time promised and tells the other side before the closing dead/date the bargain is closed.

It may be strange to a non-lawyer that one would tell the other side you are in breach but the reason why you do this is because the other side has a duty to mitigate damages. In the real estate context, this means the vendor has to resell the house. If the house is resold for more than the purchaser bought it for and their other costs are covered (legal fees), the purchaser is basically off the hook for damages. If the house is sold for less than what the purchaser agreed to, the purchaser’s damages is the sum between (purchasers offering price + costs) – (new purchaser price). What the vendor cannot do is nothing and push the entire burden of damages onto the purchaser.

Mom2KG: These are all good points for your readers to know, and we actually discussed playing the anticipatory breach card as a way out of the deal. But, in our situation, there were other pressure points on how it all played out. We certainly tried to figure out who was in the wrong and why, and that included whether either agent had been negligent. As I’ll discuss in more detail later, though, we never played those cards and got what we wanted mostly through negotiation.

TMW: How helpful was the real estate agent in the beginning of this process?

Mom2KG: Our agent alerted the vendor’s agent to the tank. They realized right away, thankfully, that it was their responsibility. They knew they had to take it out for us, and could not hide it from the next potential purchaser if we backed out. (At that point, it’s what’s called a patent defect – an obvious, known problem with the property. When they sold it to us, however, the vendors, we believe, did not know about it, and that’s called a latent defect.).  Our agent was great – she did online research, talked us off the emotional ledge we were on, and made the hard call to the other agent. She knew it was important to communicate that while we really wanted the property, we weren’t taking it without the tank removed and proof of a clean property. I have to say, she leapt into action on our behalf and tried to find solutions.

TMW:  Timing was very important. Your agent got to their agent very quickly, identified the issue specifically rather than a blanket statement like “my client hates the home” and gave the vendor a reasonable amount of time to fix the issue. In other words, you gave a road map to a solution. Too often, real estate problems are ignored or raised at the last minute which allows the other side to raise the argument you were unreasonable or the issue is raised without a proposed solution being given; this comes off very badly as a negotiation tool. All you are saying is “here, do all my work for me” which provokes a really bad reaction. Be reasonable no matter what since you are framing your problem solving exercise in the context of either litigation or a title insurance claim.

to be continued…

In my last post, I spoke about tips to sell your home. This follow-up will give you some tips on buying a house.

1. Pick a Neighbourhood and Pick your Neighbours. Take your time and do your research about where you want to go. Do you need schools, transportation, proximity to airports and highways (yes, this is pretty obvious stuff)? Once you’ve narrowed down your search, spend some time actually driving and walking around. Are there lots of kids/too many kids? Is there somewhere within walking distance to grab a coffee? Are the neighbours in bed at 9 p.m. or blaring with a garage band at 11 p.m? Ask yourself if you can really live there happily for at least a few years.
2. Do your financial homework. How much house can you really afford? Interestingly, I got a lot of advice to “stretch myself” and buy a house that seemed slightly out of reach. Go back and forth between lenders, playing their latest offers off each other. Figure out how much renovating you’ll want to do, and whether you should finance that yourself, or ask for home improvement loans. Spend lots of time on this, and make sure you know all the ins and outs of your mortgage. For example, how much can you increase the payments every year, and when?
3. Don’t get into a bidding war. Sometimes this is inevitable, especially in high-stakes areas in Vancouver and Toronto. Be comfortable with the maximum amount you’re willing to spend. If it looks like there’ll be multiple offers, I suggest going in at your best offer right away (but listen to what your real estate agent tells you). If you’re the only one at the table, don’t panic and bid against yourself (i.e. talking yourself up to a higher price to make sure you get the house).
4. Get a home inspection. Just trust me on this. It’s worth the few hundred dollars you’ll spend. Good inspectors have no interest on what you’re paying for the house. They should just want to tell you whether or not the place is sturdy or about to fall down from termite damage on the next windy day. It’s sometimes difficult to get a home inspection clause into an offer, but it’s a cheap insurance policy.
5. See the house at least twice. The open house will fool you into thinking that there’s more interest than there is. All those people checking the place out – they’re nosy neighbours. An open house will invariably show pretty well, with fresh flowers, room spray and recent vacuuming. Try to go another time when no one else will be there and the house is more lived-in. Take your time and really “see” the rooms, warts and all.

I recently bullied my husband into selling our house and buying a new one. One day, he was yelling “We are not buying a new house!” in response to an open-house brochure I proffered, and the next, we were putting an offer in on a fixer-upper. OK, it wasn’t quite from one day to the next, but we did move things along pretty fast. Here are my tips on selling a house. Next post - tips on buying.

Get on the same page. I believe my past posts illustrate how emotional money management can be between spouses. Since homes are often considered a family’s biggest asset and investment, it makes sense that parting with one must be a mutual, happy decision. (I’m a complete hypocrite here. I really did bully him.)

Sell first, buy second. Selling first is the less-risky move, obviously. At worst, you don’t buy and have to move in with your in-laws. But buying and not selling puts you at serious financial risk-you can’t get bridge financing until you sell. In the current housing market, you need to sell first, and determine what you can afford to buy.

Find an agent. I interviewed three agents. None of them thought the house was worth what we thought. TIP: agents would rather sell a house fast than sell for more. It means a lower commission, but less work, which means they can take on more listings for greater revenue. Anyhow, we went with the agent who seemed most willing to listen to us, gave practical advice, and negotiated her commission down.

Do you homework. We had to prove to our agent the house was worth more. The “comparables” were limited at a passing glance, but a more detailed analysis gave us confidence that we were selling something extremely desirable, even though our house is on the “wrong side of the tracks.” We pushed the agent to a higher price point. Worst that happens? You don’t get it and drop the price in a few weeks. On the flip side of that coin, if you are selling a cookie-cutter new build in a neighbourhood full of “for sale” signs, be prepared not to get the top price.

Finish your housework. Take an extremely hard look at your home. What needs to be done? You must finish anything not completed in the way of renovations. Repair cracks, wash crayon off the walls, and clean, clean, clean.

De-personalize. Buyers don’t want to see your family photos. De-clutter, and put away all personal items, as well as kids’ toys, the cat litter box, folded laundry, etc. Buyers need to see themselves living there, which is really hard with Uncle Ron looking at them from the mantle (When we looked for our first home, the owner had oh-so-casually left out pictures of himself with then-President George Bush at a golf tournament. Seriously?)

HIRE A STAGER. Invest the money (and some time) in a home-staging service. This can run into the thousands, but let me assure you: it is worth every penny! Stagers will view your house with an unemotional, critical eye, and help you de-clutter and get your house in viewing shape. Ours had us re-paint in neutral colours, re-arranged furniture and art, provided several accessory items, and even shopped for things we were missing (like lamps). By the time they were done, our home was a showpiece. No one lives like that, but buyers were completely entranced. We sold our home over the asking price, in a bidding war, in three days. We attribute much of that to the home-staging. Just trust me on this one. It feels like a splurge, and it may be a bit of a pain, but it will maximize the selling price.

I’ve been absent from TMW for a few months, but happy to be back, especially upon reading of the blog’s nominations for Best of the Money Blogs in the Globe and Mail. Congrats to TMW! (TMW: Thanks, clearly there weren’t enough hanging chads in my favor! Haha).

This month’s post is an update on the flood our family dealt with in several months ago. We have now cleaned up the basement, re-finished it and finalized everything with our insurance company. It was a really, really long haul and took a lot of work, and so I have a few tips.

Be diligent. We got pretty tired of cataloguing lost things and pricing them out online for replacement. I suggest setting aside time at least once a week to do this, until it is completely done. Once we had a nice Excel spreadsheet of items, we felt a little more in control.

Be proactive. When trying to replace the washer/dryer, we were directed to some company that could get us supposed deals because they partner with a major retailer. The customer service was awful, though, and it didn’t take long to figure out their discounts weren’t so hot, nor did they help arrange delivery. It took dozens of phone calls. We eventually asked our insurance agency why we had to use this company. Turns out, we didn’t. We did much better going to the stores ourselves and negotiating. Never feel you have to deal with poor customer service.

Also be proactive with your insurance company – call them when they don’t call you, and you should even call once in a while just to ensure everything is moving along.

Clean up everything. We found out what had caused the flood and had it fixed. We also made sure, in re-finishing the basement, to paint very carefully to obscure any obvious traces of the flooding.

Understand what you’re entitled to. We had “replacement insurance.” I thought this meant we would total up the original cost of everything we lost, and get a cheque. Not so. It means you get the cost of the lost item, if you replace it with something of approximately equal value. If you choose not to replace it, you get a percentage in cash of the original value. So, when replacing our stereo system, the new speakers were completely covered, even though they were high-end items. A random children’s book we did not re-purchase, we got a few dollars for, even though the original cost over $20. There are other insurance options, so you should understand what your policy covers you for.

Be reasonable. We did not try to fleece the insurance company out of anything. For example, we did not claim to have lost a priceless art collection that did not exist. I’m not sure we’re the norm, however. We provided the insurance company with quotes for replacing a number of big-ticket items, and they approved them right away, saying “Wow, you guys are being really reasonable!” I think our approach really smoothed the way and got us what we needed as early as possible. Or, maybe we’re suckers.

I live quite close to Yorkdale Mall, which is a regional shopping mecca, drawing visitors from throughout the Greater Toronto Area and beyond (as well as the de rigeur disaffected teens). I was in there yesterday, and I finally saw evidence that the recession is here. Normally, I have to fight my way up and down the wide corridors, any time of day. Yesterday, I was able to walk holding onto both my kids’ hands! There was practically no one at Yorkdale. We went into one of the family restaurants, and again, hardly anyone was there.

But eating out is fun, and can be a great break from all the troubles of the current economy. Here are my tips on how to make the most of your culinary buck:

1. Use the Internet

Everything is online now. So check out the restaurant before you go. Often, the menu, including, prices, are right there! You can figure out what you’re going to have (also good for those who count calories), and budget for it. There might also be specials and 2-for-1 deals, which can sway your decision of where to go.

2. Don’t order alcohol

Ask anyone with a passing knowledge of the restaurant biz: the markups and profits on liquids are huge. This is especially true of alcohol. So, stick with water, and insist on tap, which is perfectly acceptable, and better for the environment. Pop is relatively expensive too, but often comes with free refills. Same for coffee and tea.

3. Share

Appetizers are especially economical to share. Who needs to whole bowl of stilton-spinach-(fake) crabmeat? Spend less on starters – and desserts – and splurge on the main course.

4. Don’t order a main course

Dieters know this trick well. Instead of ordering an expensive main course, consider ordering two appetizers for yourself. Even better, order four or five between two people. You’ll get a lot more variety and, very likely, a lower bill. There are even many restaurants that now specialize in these “small plates” or tapas meals.

5. Order the chicken

If you must order a main course, the chicken is usually the most economical protein choice. Resist ordering substitutions – that is a great way for restaurants to make money on you. Stick with the garden salad or fries, instead of getting upsold on Caesar salad or veggies.

6. Eat beforehand

This is not totally counter-intuitive. We order lots because we’re legitimately hungry, often having waited hours since our last meal. An hour or so before you head out to your carefully-researched restaurant, why not have a piece of fruit, or crackers and cheese, at home? That will curb your worst hunger pangs, but not completely fill you up. You’ll feel less of a need to order a huge meal, reducing your costs.

7. Question the bill

When the bill arrives, read it carefully! Make sure it’s right, and point out any discrepancies. Often, restaurants will “comp” you for those mistakes, in order to keep you coming back.

8. Find a place and stick with it

If you like a particular place, keep going back there. Compliment the food, and tip the waiters nicely. They’ll get to know you too and will often give you something gratis for your loyalty. It might only be a coffee, but it’s something you don’t have to pay for. This may not work as well with franchise restaurants.

I want to end by hopefully stirring up a debate. I noted in my last tip to “tip nicely.” I absolutely tip well for good service, but I know people who refuse to do so, or don’t tip at all, citing a refusal to give in to “the man” and “society’s rules” about tipping (see the rant at the beginning of Reservoir Dogs). Part of the reason I tip is because, as I understand it, waiters are paid very little, and are expected to make their real money in tips. They also have to “tip out” to the kitchen, sharing their nights’ earnings with the busboys, etc.

What do TMW readers think of tipping? It can add a lot to your bill, after all.